“When I want to end a relationship, I just say, ‘You know, I love you. I want to marry you. I want to have your children.’ Sometimes they leave skid marks.” (Comedian Rita Rudner)

It's funny how honesty plays out in relationships. Or maybe it's not that funny at all. I'm learning how to communicate more effective through this exercise called "active listening". How it works is one person says something and the other person responds with what they heard the first person say. Then the first person either confirms that that was what they were saying or clarifies the error. It sounds ridiculous, but it's a pretty powerful tool when wielded properly.
For example. someone that I am in close relationship with recently said to me (when I asked him what he was thinking about) "Nothing I feel like sharing with you." So, here's where the exercise kicked it. In response, I say "Y'know, when you say that, I hear 'I don't want to talk to you about it because I choose to keep my feelings to myself and shut you out - I don't want intimacy with you.'
I know. It's a bit of an interpretation. (!)
So then he responds with "Nooo...I just don't want to talk to you about what I'm thinking about."
The deal is that from my life and my experiences, I have built up an internal filter. Everything that I see and hear moves through this filter and are then interpreted based on my past experiences and potentially rotten core beliefs and I respond to the person based on my interpretation rather than what the person actually said. Let me tell ya, it causes MORE fights...but, it teaches me what my really filter is (because I have to speak it out) and what parts are unhealthy and even just not even true and so require a total rehaul.
This is where Romans 12:2 kicks in for me. I have been walking in conformity to the world's patterns for so long that to all of a sudden switch into Kingdom gear from sin city is impossible - what I need is some HOLY SPIRIT TRANSFORMATION so that my mind can be renewed - bathed with the cleansing truth of God's Kingdom.
I love it - and it's because as I come into alignment with ultimate truth, I feel as though I HAVE that spirit of power, love and especially SOUND MIND, or self-control. Therefore, I am interpreting what I see and hear based on the truth that lives within me, not lies.
I am NO LONGER at the mercy of the demonic who have access to my 'soul', manipulating emotional strings and turn me into some twisted marionette who feels out of control instead of a daughter of the Most High King. The thief comes to steal, kill and destroy. This is just one of his schemes. Victory is ours though!

However, the truth of all of this, is that it's a process...and the way it works for me, is to become 'aware' of the worldly pattern, experience a repulsion for it that leads to godly sorrow that leads to repentance which leads to transformation. Sounds straightforward when I write it out, but as I live it out, it gets pretty messy.
I appreciate it though - one of my favourite qualities of my Father is that He never stops perfecting me. I'm His workmanship, both complete in Him and continually renewed through Him.
Hallelujah.