30.1.05
who will save me from this body of death?
I've come to notice this disturbing tendency I have. I may as well get it out in the open so the Light is on it. I find that when I am struggling in life and twisted up between schemes of the enemy and the guile of my own sinful nature and downright miserable, though the thing I crave the MOST is prayer and support, I have this ridiculous block to doing so.
I'm not sure what to label it as -fear of being open and vulnerable, to proud to admit I'm struggling, worry that if people know I'm struggling they won't trust me with responsibility in our community or with their own struggles - and I guess it doesn't matter what it's CALLED, only that it is overcome.

As I type this, I GET how ridiculous it sounds, as in, obviously God wants me to be able to confess all sorts of things to my brothers and sisters so that I may be healed, receive prayer, encouragement, support and accountability. But just spitting things out is like pulling teeth.

Praise the Lord for friends who aren't afraid to ask (cuz I KNOW I wear my feelings all over my face anyways)
Friends like you.
 
posted by Hezza at 3:37 p.m. | Permalink |


4 Comments:


  • At 7:58 p.m., Blogger Tara Ayer

    If it's any consolation, I think we all have that problem...just maybe to lesser or greater degrees. Or at least I know I share that same problem. I would put what you've described in the category of vulnerability and I think I'd rather have a colonscopy than actively seek out situations where I make myself vulnerable.

    Who will save you? I think I know a guy who can help. Supporting you in prayer...whether you ask or not!

     

  • At 8:58 a.m., Blogger Seeker of The Light

    From someone who's familar with both the colonoscopy {sigh} and the pulled tooth (just a few weeks ago)- vulnerability is unquestionably worse! But like getting rid of a bad tooth, it's so much better on the other side and well worth going through for the healing when it's all over. We are Resurrection Sunday people- we just have to go through Good Friday to get there.

     

  • At 10:18 a.m., Blogger Tara Ayer

    Was listenting to "Oh Jerusalem" by Lauryn Hill this morning and heard her singing this:

    ...Oh wretched man that I am, who will deliver me
    From the body of this death
    Freeing me from dust, and the superficial trust
    Of an enemy that seeks to take my breath
    Failing to connect, cuz I'm morally defect
    By reason of the god inside my head
    Causing me to see, only what pertains to me
    Believing I'm alive when I'm still dead
    Limited to earth, unable to find out my worth
    Cuz I... can't see past my own vanity
    If I'm not included, then I just have to remove it
    From my mind because it has to be insanity
    Oh wretched man that I am, who will deliver me
    From the body of this death
    Can I even factor, that I've only been an actor
    In this staged interpretation of this day
    Focused on the shadow, with my back turned to the light
    Too intelligent to see it's me in the way
    What a paradox, having God trapped in a box
    All this time professing to be spiritual
    Naturally pretending, that I'm actually defending
    God thru my facade only material...

     

  • At 12:13 p.m., Anonymous Anonymous

    Playing God... You may wonder what it is to play God - Perfection? Omniscience? Omnipresent? What more? I'm weak and God is strong. That's the scripture. It is in my weakness that God is glorified.
    I've struggle for some years now. I've fought with God, I've questioned my believe and I've even at time taken my faith into my hand. I guess in all these things, i have played God. The word of God is the lamp to our feet and the light to our paths (Ps 119:105).
    From Abraham, Isaac and Jacob whom God made His only covenants with, these people weren't perfect and they humbled themselves even in their weaknesses. As long as we live in this world, we'll continue to struggle against the power of the body and it's sinful nature. We may fall sometimes to it and sometimes we may overcome it, but the true power over it is beign honest with ourselves becos it is when we're honest with ourselves that we recieve the power to overcome it by sharing with others our struggles and knowing that it's not to glorify who we are but to honor God.
    May God bless you.
    Jacktor

     
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