I've been praying lately that God would draw me into greater levels of maturity, but I've been reflecting also on the reality of 'growing up'.
I'll give you an example, when I was a teenager, I participated in a 3 month student exchange to Quebec. Inevitably a time of homesickness,loneliness, frustration and discouragement peaked and during the third month, about three weeks shy of returning to Ontario, I called my parents in tears, begging them to let me quit and come home. Logically, I knew in my head that I just had to stick it out and in due time circumstances would shift and everything would get better, that this moment was just a hurdle in the final stretch of the journey but my heart felt like it was at it's breaking point.
So the thing about growing up is that the hurdle still exists for me - it's when I am on the final stretch of a big spiritual learning curve. The deal is that NOW when I get to that place of homesickness (for the 'easier' times) loneliness, frustration and discouragement and I call my parents, I just can't bring myself to tell them that I want to come home...I know that they can't make that decisio for me. So I just hold back the tears on my end of the line and reassure them that I'm happy and that I'm making good decisions and that everything will work out.
So in my opinion, growing up stinks.
Maybe the maturity part though, is that when I am in that tough place, to realize that I just have to tread water for a little while longer and then the tides will change and relief will come and I will emerge from the deep waters stronger (in Him) and weaker (in Him!).
"...in the day of trouble He will keep me safe in his dwelling;
He will hide me in the shelter of His tabernacle and set me high upon a rock.
Then my head will be exalted above the enemies who surround me..." Psalm 27:5-6
I find my Refuge in the sea
Shake off the dust Daughter of Zion!
I went for a walk in the dark last night.
I walked for several blocks before I realized that I had no clear destination. So I stopped on the street corner and FELT.
What I FELT was lonely.
I didn't like that feeling much, although we've met on several occasions. The night just started to FEEL darker the longer I stood there. I thought to myself, don't get to hard on yourself - the Apostle Paul must've felt lonely at times. There must've been days in the midst of the fight where he stopped walking and sat down at the side of the dusty roman road and just felt lonely - maybe he had times where he had no clear destination. (So often I confine Paul to being this two-dimensional character in a story and forget he was a real man. I bet we would have had some great talks) one thing that we would agree on is to choose not to feel alone and instead lean on th unseen perhaps unfelt Immanuel presence.
When I begin to feel lonely, I can make the CHOICE to believe the lie that I am indeed all alone and sink deeper into darkness OR believ in the absolute Truth that He will never leave me. It's enough to make me shake off the dust, rise up and dance again...
I walked for several blocks before I realized that I had no clear destination. So I stopped on the street corner and FELT.
What I FELT was lonely.
I didn't like that feeling much, although we've met on several occasions. The night just started to FEEL darker the longer I stood there. I thought to myself, don't get to hard on yourself - the Apostle Paul must've felt lonely at times. There must've been days in the midst of the fight where he stopped walking and sat down at the side of the dusty roman road and just felt lonely - maybe he had times where he had no clear destination. (So often I confine Paul to being this two-dimensional character in a story and forget he was a real man. I bet we would have had some great talks) one thing that we would agree on is to choose not to feel alone and instead lean on th unseen perhaps unfelt Immanuel presence.
When I begin to feel lonely, I can make the CHOICE to believe the lie that I am indeed all alone and sink deeper into darkness OR believ in the absolute Truth that He will never leave me. It's enough to make me shake off the dust, rise up and dance again...
18.3.05
Just when you thought you'd heard the last from me...
I wrote this thought in my daytimer a few weeks ago. It serves as Yahweh's reminder to me through these times of intense warfare:
"It was the Israelites job to tell the squatters dwelling in their Promised Land to leave and then to walk in and claim it."
God prepares my way, but I also need to kick in and be aggressive about my Christianity and kick out the demons, cry out for a deeper revelation of Jesus and pray without ceasing. To tell all the unlawful dwellers of the Promised Land of God's plan for my life to get out and then walk in in confidence.
"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified;Do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go." Joshua 1:9
I wrote this thought in my daytimer a few weeks ago. It serves as Yahweh's reminder to me through these times of intense warfare:
"It was the Israelites job to tell the squatters dwelling in their Promised Land to leave and then to walk in and claim it."
God prepares my way, but I also need to kick in and be aggressive about my Christianity and kick out the demons, cry out for a deeper revelation of Jesus and pray without ceasing. To tell all the unlawful dwellers of the Promised Land of God's plan for my life to get out and then walk in in confidence.
"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified;Do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go." Joshua 1:9
Greetings faithful friends!
If you are reading this, you obviously check back every now and again, and haven't totally given up on me.
God bless you.
Thanks for your encouragement (D!)
I only have a couple of minutes before I need to head out, but I knew I had to get something down to get the ball rolling.
I wrote this in my daytimer a few weeks ago. It serves as Yahweh's reminder to me through these times of warfare:
"It was the Israelites job to tell the squatters dwelling in their Promised Land to leave and then to walk in and claim it."
God prepares my way, but I also need to kick in and be aggressive about my Christianity and kick out the demons, cry out for a deeper revelation of Jesus and pray without ceasing. To tell all the unlawful dwellers of MY Promised Land to get out and then walk in in confidence.
If you are reading this, you obviously check back every now and again, and haven't totally given up on me.
God bless you.
Thanks for your encouragement (D!)
I only have a couple of minutes before I need to head out, but I knew I had to get something down to get the ball rolling.
I wrote this in my daytimer a few weeks ago. It serves as Yahweh's reminder to me through these times of warfare:
"It was the Israelites job to tell the squatters dwelling in their Promised Land to leave and then to walk in and claim it."
God prepares my way, but I also need to kick in and be aggressive about my Christianity and kick out the demons, cry out for a deeper revelation of Jesus and pray without ceasing. To tell all the unlawful dwellers of MY Promised Land to get out and then walk in in confidence.