Counting the cost..it's a big deal, eh?

Back in the summer, I went to be a part of the Old Orchard Beach brigade. It was a good time. It was good to be with close friends and to be dusted off. One of the words of wisdom that was shared with me, was on that very subject...counting the cost. I was in a place where I felt like God was stretching me just too thin and I wasn't okay with it - and I'm not talking about being 'out of my comfort zone' but more like, God, I've always trusted you, but right now, it's all just a bit too much. Slow down please, I need a break. I need to pause and catch my breath and check out my surroundings and get some perspective.

The word was just this...it's okay to be in that place of pause. It's not letting go of God, it's not turning my back on Him, disagreeing with Him or backsliding...its saying hold on a sec please!

that was very reassuring to me...because I didn't feel as though I was being disobedient, but my legalistic self, my logical mind got me going, saying that I didn't love God enough, and didn't trust Him enough. blahblah.

If this whole Christian life is about relationship, not just works and blind obedience alone, then why would I think that my God, as a responsible Father, would grab me by the hand and begin to drag me along, lecturing me and chewing me out the whole way because I'm not 'good' enough or 'quick' enough or 'instantaneously obedient' enough...if what I preach to others is true, than God can't be like that.

So I'm learning to allow yourself to withdraw to a quiet place of retreat with Jesus and let myself believe that He'll love me just as much if I quit all of this and went to work at McDonalds (not that there is anything wrong with that...but i think it's safe to say that it's my your calling) for the rest of my life. He would. Wouldn't He? :-)

Therefore, I wil not let my fear not control me...but think on Love. There is no fear in love [dread does not exist], but full-grown (complete, perfect) love turns fear out of doors and expels every trace of terror! For fear brings with it the thought of punishment...if what's holding me back from going deeper is the fear that I won't measure up and why bother asking for a second blessing if I'm never going to be able to maintain it (for example) then I'm missing the love factor.

Fear wants me to be afraid of God's punishment when I mess up, but I shouldn't be afraid in that place, because even there, it's all about love. To not lose courage and give up and faint when I am reproved or corrected by Him; For the Lord corrects and disciplines everyone whom He loves, and He punishes, even scourges, every son whom He accepts and welcomes to His heart and cherishes.

That's a pretty special place to be, eh? Welcomed into His heart? Cherished? Wow. When you have a disciple, you want to keep them on a narrow track of discipline so that they can be trained in the Lord's ways. You will be quick to rebuke anger, hate, racism, gossip, self-deprecation, cursing, lewd comments and so on, right? Over and over until they get out of those old habits and into new ones. In the same way, God the Holy Spirit will be all over me to convict me of old habits over and over and over so that He can usher in new ones. The end result is GREAT!

When I look around me at other disciples, it's apparents that everyone gets the same process. So I take heart in that. And then I look forward and set my face like flint and know that I will not be put to shame...