Lord - i'm struggling with all this stuff inside of me. This weekend being with the girls, it was all awkward. I said things that Holy Spirit said specifically not to say, because of timing, but i said them anyway because I wanted a certain result. To control a situation and make my hurting friends "all better". So they would be able to grab onto the belt of truth as it's thrown out in love and walk out of where they are at.
Except it really didn't go that way at all.
Elaine's whole thing about us all coming here wounded is true. I feellike I'm pulled in directions of trying to share difficulties and make this about me so that i can receive prayer and healing and just have fun and not be heavy and serious and sharing what I'm learning and hearing to edify others and then speak truth into their lies and fix them. Or help them to detangle themselves. It's just that all those things tried to come out all at once this afternoon.
Not a pretty sight.
So much for putting off a good image - like I've got it all together...

I have a fear that we'll each fall to pieces and we won't be able to mend one another, even when we are together in person and people will just begin to slip away...and then what?
Why build a community in Charlotte when what was established in Vancouver 4 years ago has developed this way?
It's a humpty dumpty thing...
We sat on the wall
We had a great fall
All the king's horses, all the king's men
Couldn't put us together again

Only the KING can do that. God this is a cry from deep in me...soften and soothe our hearts so that we let you in to do your healing work...