I hung out at home league camp last weekend. hmm. God really can use anything/anyone/anywhere to speak His purpose and will. for sure.

Here's what I heard. It was incredibly encouraging for this season too.

The speaker had done one of those appeals where first everyone closes their eyes and then raises their hand (with the promise of no one watching of course) and eventually leads you down to the front through a series of commitments to raising an arm, standing and moving forward.

So there I was. Here's where she snagged me:

"Are any of you hiding from God?"

bingo.

I haven't been meeting with Him, hungry for Him.
I have been hiding in the dark places of my heart. Afraid of what He's calling me into - of failing miserably and disappointing Him, or else afraid of actually doing it and there being even more that seems impossible ahead.
So I'm in this in-betweeny place and it's awful.
I prayed He wold 'shine light in those dark hiding places and meet me' and He has.

This is what He said specifically:

"Run hard and fast in faith"
"Heather, you are My follower. There is a cost to follow Me. Yet you have already counted the cost. Follow Me. You are My follower, that's all you need to think on now.'
I was at His feet, facedown. I looked up at Him and He asked me: "Do you love Me?" I rolled onto my back lke a babay rolling over and just stared up oblivious and unresponsible for any answers or behaviours.
I didn't like that in me.
With my head restingon His feet, He leaned down and picked me up, and a shadow of me was left in that babyish position.
He said: "You're not a baby. You're My child but you're not a baby. I'm calling you into maturity."
Then He just held on to me tightly and I was pressed against His chest. Security. Rest. Contentment.
I liked that.

I've been reading this book called "Love and Respect" by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs. Seriously, it's the bomb. He's got this lead on Ephesians 5:33 - the husband loves the wife and the wife respects the husband. There's more to it naturally, but man. This book is seriously off the chain. I started to read it and a couple of times I actually dropped it in disbelief. This guy has a revelation from the Throne Room for real. Do I love my husband? Yes. Do I believe he loves me? Yyyyes...does he like me? Hmm. only sometimes. Does he believe in me? Yes. Does he encourage me? Yes.

Do I respect him?

Rarely.

It's a key. It's hard to do. It opens me up wide for immaturity and selfishness to spill out - which is good in the deliverance sense, but messy messy bidness for anyone closeby.

So, that's a big deal in my life right now. How can I honour my husband and pump him up respectfully?
Well, it's a real good thing that the book has suggestions, otherwise, I'd be outta luck.

I recommend it, even if you're not married to shed understanding on communication in relationships.

I pulled this from my friend Beracah's blog www.xanga.com/ROARINGLAMB007 because it really ties in with my God-experience today:

'Gaze...I want to gaze at You...'
This is my favorite song of all time. I have decided.
My sister Acacia wrote it - it is her singing as well. That is not why it is my favorite though. Do you know how much He just wants us to gaze at Him?

You can check out the song at www.cdbaby.com/cd/kumi and it's track #4. Acacia is a part of our War College session of 2003-04 in Vancouver.

Anyways, I was thinking this morning about my neighbour, who had realy dropped off of the radar for the past few days. She had been arrested for assault on her boyfriend, gone to jail, been released and was back with him in a matter of a day and a half. That's certainly a point for contention with me for obvious reasons, but the not-so-obvious reason is that when she thinks that we will disapprove of her, she avoids us. That bums me out, because a friend is a friend - even if they make asinine choices in their life...

So when I saw her drive up and go into her house, I contemplated approaching her and striking up conversation. I played out in my mind different ways to go about this, and remembered my old downtown eastside approach from my Vancouver days.
Whenever someone dear had 'gone out' (Narcotics Anonymous code for fallen off the wagon) and I ran into them in the neighbourhood, I'd just say gladly "There you are! I've been looking for you!" Which, if you coulda seen me (well, it was 'us' really - Tara and me were relentless at times) back in the day was true - as soon as you hear someone has gone out to use, if you go and look in all the usual spots, you can often find them before they go completely off the chain. So this whole approach of there you are, I've been looking for you is designed to make the person feel sought after, important, cared for enough to turn everything upside down - just for them.

I didn't use that approach on my neighbour this morning, but God used that approach on me this afternoon. I was driving a neighbour to the store and my mind was just wandering loose, and all of sudden I rounded a corner in my thoughts and there was God - right up there in the front of my mind.
You know what He said?

"There you are Heather! I've been looking for you!"

It really is a gift to be sought after, especially when I've been a bit of a no-show with the Lord. He never stops looking. It's a good thing too, with my tendency to wander off and be distracted.

Some thoughts on marriage:

There is no subject on which more dangerous nonsense is talked and thought than marriage. -George Bernard Shaw

sure, everybody's got a wheelbarrow full of advice - but half of it belongs on the compost heap...

Books and marriage go ill together. -Molière

my husband would strongly agree...he is wary when I read relationship books, and begin conversations with statements like: "OHHH...now I know how all you men feel."

Marriage is the highest state of friendship: If happy, it lessens our cares by dividing them, at the same time that it doubles our pleasures by mutual participation. -Samuel Richardson

...IT WAS the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to Heaven...